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Now, my parents talk down about her dad and me and tell her she doesn’t have to even listen to us because she is grown.
We took away her car because he was driving it on our insurance and our dime but ended up giving it back for her safety; she’s in college and was walking at night.
I want her to come home but if she won’t, then I at least want a relationship with her.
Dear Pi P: I wish I had a dollar for every letter I got from a mother, worried that her daughter was getting involved with a bad seed.
I’m a big believer in learning from all of our experiences.
You telling your daughter this is a bad guy is not going to be nearly as eye-opening as when she comes to that conclusion herself.
Let her know that while you disapprove of the guy, you are her mother and will always be there for her. No giving her a car (there are a lot of people who get to and from college without them), no paying the insurance (you won’t need to since you’ll have the vehicle), no giving her money when she’s short on rent, no paying the cell phone bill and so on.
The day our daughter turned 18, she got mouthy and hateful, packed her bags and moved in with my parents, against our wishes.
I’m sure you had things she wanted/needed (cell phone and freedom immediately come to mind). You could have devised a plan if she in fact did run away and if she continued to threaten suicide, have taken her to a doctor. People are going to do what they have always done until they are motivated to change.
That means your daughter is going to stay with this loser until she looks up one day, maybe after a couple of convictions and kids with this guy, and realizes that this SUCKS!
I know you are losing sleep over this, I know you are anguished and I know you’ve come to me for some straight talk; I hope you’re ready because the gloves are coming off.
The way I see it, you’ve got to deal with this issue on a number of fronts. Not only are your parents on your side, they are actively undermining your authority.
If I did, I’d be able to put my kids through college and then some, I kid you not.